Waking From A Nightmare

Shells pound all around me and we just stand here. Sometimes I imagine that I can see the shells whistling through the sky towards us. But they never hit where I imagine them. Not seeing them is so much worse. It's not like I thought it would be. I just wanted to serve. Now I imagine my body being torn. I wonder what it's like to be struck in the head, if I see white or if I just appear in heaven. I wonder if people have an instant recognition of death. Or if their spirit is left momentarily in shock and confusion. Shock at being free from these weak bodies…My wife won't recognize me right now. I'm so scared. I sit down and don't even notice the piece of glass that imbeds itself in my palm. Blood oozes but I ignore it. I just listen for the whistle and the call. "12:00 500 Meters GO GO GO!" And we run like the wind. Nothing will stop us, because we just want to get home. Where did I get this cut? And I don't think I'm scared. There's not time to be scared right now, no time to think about home or to feel the loss. I only imagine what she would feel if she could see me now. She would be so scared for me… So I'm brave, for Her. We try to stay low, and we wait for our opportunity…Please love me when I'm gone. Because my lack of goodbye haunts me before I even leave you. I love you, so far away. Please forgive me for leaving, and love me when I'm gone.