Outside these walls

The walls melt away from me as if I am receding from somewhere else. And then I am me again. I haven’t been me for a long time. And I’ve learned a lot from that other one; an almost virulent individual. But now reality embraces me with its own cold arms, and I know that this will be a difficult ride. And it begins as the come towards me with yet another dose. Yet they really don’t know me, or the power that I hold. I begin my show by slipping the fossilized leather straps that hold my arms and legs. I fall to the floor… So hard to stand… How long has it been… their actions slow, Almost as if they’re puzzled and waiting for me? It would seem natural if you didn’t see how slow the straps are as they float down to the ground. I get up and hobble out… My time has begun, and it’s absolutely glorious to have my power now with an un-entrapped mind.

read my mind

sit waiting. I pride myself like a soldier in my ability to wait them out. They think that they know me, that they can read my mind. But my shield is up. It holds me in place and steadies my breathing until I feel like my body might be dead and I feel the slip. I slip right out of my mind… and slide, and then I can see them all… they don’t know I’m looking… but I can tell that some of them suspect. They look around. And I can tell they’re wondering who’s watching them. None of them know the truth like I do though. And so I’m safe… they can’t hurt me.
Since that day I’ve seen the images, and every time they come I’ve learned how to escape them. The images are intelligent; you would never imagine a memory being intelligent. I might be crazy. I’m not insane however, and these quacks in the white coats don’t seem to know the difference. They’ve watched me grow up within these walls and they wonder why I want out. They wonder how I know they’re coming or how I know what they do when they’re beyond these walls. But what my memories bring me is a blade that points both ways. I only wait for my opportunity. They can’t help me here… so I must help myself…
I slip back within my mind and pull the sheets back over my head, pretending to be asleep. A doctor walks into the room and I can hear him breathing along with the liquid squelch of a syringe being filled. I feel the sharp pinch and chemical burn as things become warm and my thoughts fade.

Pulling Out My Hair

pull hair, originally uploaded by brokenchopstick.

Years passing... Sometimes I see them and sometimes I don't. I'm haunted and yet I deny the images that haunt me. years ago it seems. They institutionalised me now I sit. The meds keep me company along with the occasionally exciting ride on the gurney. Every once in awhile I hear my roommate make a fuss. He probably hides his meds... sometimes my roomate changes... But he's still the same roommate somehow. He's crazy... But then so am I...

The Writhing Place

the little boy stared out the window again, trees blurring together as the van sped up to match the traffic on the freeway. His thoughts drifted and the horrible pictures wouldn't seem to stay far away... dread seemed to be wrapped around him. almost like the time His two older brothers had wrapped him in the old carpet when Mom wasn't looking. but that was fun, not like this at all. everything was over, his friends... his brothers... and mom. The pictures floated in front of him again until tears seemed to blot them out. silent tears, tears that didn't belong on a little boy... and the writhing in his soul began.